Going through my bi-monthly "How I Met Your Mother" kick. Once again I'm noticing a troubling number of parallels between a CBS sitcom and the non-fiction that is real life. Yes, this post is more than a tad self-indulgent. But the blogosphere counts that one of its hallmarks, no?
1. Your average Joe can't act to save his life, much like the stars of the show. Except the suit-sporting, woman-killing, catchphrase-spewing Barneys of the world. They're just awesome.
2. Bob Saget should never be seen in person. Ever.
3. Long-distance relationships don't work. And yet everyone eventually finds him or herself saying, "It will totally work."
4. Loud techno dance clubs sound way more fun than they actually are. Best to just chill with the cute coat-check girl.
5. Barney's bamboozles to bag busty babes work about half the time. They guarantee slaps the other half. Don't ask how I know, just trust me.
6. Britney Spears is a crazed vapid slut.
7. Nothing good happens after 2 a.m. There's a reason bars shout last call 15-20 minutes before the clock strikes. That extra shot of Jagermeister can spell the difference between getting home with your dignity intact or waking up next to a butch rugby chick from Nevada.
8. Beard don't go with suits.
9. After drinking too much at the bars, it takes at least three eye witnesses to replay the night's events. Even then, part of the story will remain shrouded in mystery.
10. "Give me five" is back. If it ever left.
11. Going solo for brunch leads to nothing but scoffs and condescending stares.
12. Be wary of crazy eye. Seven out of ten dysfunctional relationships can be avoided by detecting the crazy early on.
13. Couples and singles can be easily distinguished at any bar or club, based on wakefulness, social lubricant and attentiveness to conversation.
14. "I'm Gonna Be" by the Proclaimers is the ultimate road trip track.
15. Close friends rarely notice each others' annoying flaws, until they're pointed out by a third party.
16. The Naked Man works. In theory, anyway. Haven't become desperate enough to try it. Yet.
17. Calling a girl before the three day mark is a bad idea. But guys do it anyway.
18. Canadian money isn't real.
19. The first weeks/months of a serious relationship lead to added poundage and inattention to one's appearance. Why dress up the cow when there's already milk in your cereal? Okay, bad use of that particular phrase.
20. Being single in a crowd of coupled friends sucks. You're inevitably the only one with the interest or energy to: hit the bars, get silly drunk, sing karaoke, sled down Blue Mountain at three in the morning, go to three movies in one afternoon, spontaneously hit the road for a weekend road trip to who-knows-where, dance on tables, sky-dive, walk to the nearest pub for a single beer. And relationship advice from said coupled friends (that by not looking around for a date, you'll find one) is BS. Unfortunately, being proactive doesn't work either.
If this list doesn't sell the show as a must-watch, I've got three words for you: Neil Patrick Harris. 'Nuff said.
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1 comment:
- The longest pause you'll ever experience is the one after you've asked a woman to marry you ... Not that I know that from experience or anything...
- Even if it is pronounced "encyclo-pay-dia" Ted is still a douche.
- There are definitely WAY more than 50 reasons to have sex. I'd like to get a good look at that list so I can add a few of my own.
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